Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 18, 28 August 1940 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

This eolumn is open for contributions. īf you have a good gag, send i* in and we wiīī pubīish it. and gh e yovr name thc credit.—Koko-Nuts.

Tiie war nt?\vs is beooming more confusing. Now the Itallans elaim to have ehased British ?hips that thc <Seriuans sakl tliey sank niany iuonths ago. The small boy of today gets spanked, too, Just llke his dad did —but for stealing his big sister'B cigaret«. Of all tho ohant])ions of peaee, • Of wliioli the worUl full, There never \vjis a better one Than Fertlinand the T?ull. SOURPUSS SAM SAYS:

"Onee upon a tlme the game known as golf was ptayed only by

Scotchmen. Nowadays every oid thing is trying to play it." THE ENDSKt We alw;iys tlioug!]tski They\l Mi'. Trotsky, Aml at last lie wus jr<Htski Hy a iiiau Stalin hou}:luskl. WILLKIE PLANS BIG CAMPA!GN. —Newspaper headline. And U had better be a sjood one, A GRATEFUL PATIENT

We got this one from Harold Godfrey cf Houolulu: A Cliinese īuan was askēd if there were good doctors in Oluna. "Good do<tors!" hē exclainied. "Ohina have l>est doctors in worlvl Han t"han one gnod doctor; he great; «ive Hfv, to me." "You Oon'ī say so! How was that " "Xle velly had," lve sald. "Me eiilU'o Pootor San Sing. t?lve nie aieilieine. Me vēlly. velly 111, M«ft oallee Doetor San Siii£. Glvo we mopp nuHlk'ino. Me jrlo\v more \vorso —iro die. Too imn heo wor-ly, jne enileo F»octor līnn OhaKg. He $rot no linie: r eome. Save MODERN VEftSION Mary had a tamb» Twat fat enouah te eat; Mary oot badfy brok# And so)d it to the fleet. An optSuust is a person who partlo!pates in Mahiland niagarlne eont«ests and expeots to win a prize. BULL-ETIN

"I like my srt«Wcial te€th bet- j l«r than I dSd my oriQirta? one&, j *nd they*re a !ot more serv!ceaL)MMERLICK Ā PortU£U«*sio K>y uam<Ht lk»uglu for ;ui umbrx>|!a. Bat. snd to lly trick \>f Fat^ 111« Uiiil! U i m sU v K s u, i*H>r M- » low. | Artd there s the &ly U)<tnd | cowboy who forfiot tc put his fanat the cther Mght anei v*hen he eame to a«t !i«\t , momine the rat« had eat«r> «t. Aiui bt»?v's U j kiuw, | S«nuo af Whv S> H ;hat we aev«r AA I A p»f*chwt» w«) bf *n *vl*

tor's best friend but it is sure to let hlm down. SONG OF THE GRDUCH As sung by Ned Sparks: Nothing to b»vatho but alr, ii* a tlasli iis gone; Aowliei-e u> i"a)! hut off, .Nowhei-e to bui on. Notlūng to sinc but songs, Ah, well, alas! alaek! Nowhere to go but ont, Nowliere to eonie but hi -W SLJGHTLY MISUNDERSTOOD

San d y McPherson eame into the office the other da> and asked for free copies of the paper for a week back.

Little Streamlines waited on hiw and asked him this rather pertinent question: "Why don*t you try a mustard plaster?" Judgē—"Oeinlemeii of tlie jury, have yon oonie to a decisJon?" Foreman—"W« ha>e, Your Sonor. The jury are all of_the !?arue n;ind—temp°wi'y insane!" A.A.M., 11110 JUST A FILLER A middle-aaed woman loat her ba)ance and fel! out of a window into a garittaaē ean. A Chinese, passino, remarked: "Melicans vely wasteful. That woman good for ten years yet," f DESERT POME NO. 87 Out on the dewrt Two tourists are strauclecl. Tiiey look tbe aūvice Of a fellow too candid. WAIAKEA WILLIE SEZ:

"I caicul*te man> perlitical crook« hax tooK wamin' from what happened to Hines, Man- . ton, P«nderoa&t and their likes. Mebse the reason some of the smali fry don*t heed the handritin' on the wall is thet they ain't riflht handy at readm\ SAD STORY, MR. MOLOTOFF Is<nv Kussia wants Ala>ku ha< k, She says that she was gypped, And so a lot of sulmiarlues Up north by her were shipped. She si»e'U build au airlnise, AoA tlien slie'il puli a i>iufT, A«d wheu slie does our t*iKle sxun May h«ve 10 get qulte iough. ile's seat a load of w!diefs thoi\* To wateh the wily Reds \n<i s<h' quoer ideas lv not get 1« thelr heads. wo lnnight tVio o<unUry At a ;>rioe a wee Mt elieap. Hut all that Molotoff ean do 1 s wring his hauds aiiā weep. The Uusskys didn't know lunv uīuoU T»te land was reaJ!y worth. tt iuakes theiu sore to lt r*ally is g\H><i earttt. Aiul they*d Uke i<> get lt \vaek its w\>rtii a lot oh, *aiv, we 11 siu ii Mek to llieiu Aiml theti perhap«H we'li iiot. SHCLL SHOCKED

Utt»« $tr**wUttet h«« been re*4ina «o mueh *bcwt the v»a; Ut«ly that «he hae h*d le eat?no peinuU, She tbt cracK«rsg ct the *her l f m*Kei ?,e, ««rvo«*, Ovi.fuvi»is sa*; att4

waU'hfrilnoss best fiifeguiuds of \uuio. You do i>ruv}ii£ mul noighbors <1o w;Hohlli|r. —T, A., Muui I■J - i | BALTIMORE SUN T0 sup- ! j I>ORT WILLKIE, — Nevwrpaper 4 ! hMd!ine. L!tttt Stre«mt!nes #ays tt*s awful ot them to take care of him in his old age. Wawla Wnfflosr<m, tho hollo of W;uakt\i. says< u !sn*t \vhat th«? wlghlH>rs SsiY alnnif you īhat Inir{s, il's the »ns<ty vvny th* v j say 11. FeeHsh qu«ttlon No. 11.111: O© you make up atl the«« Joket your*e!f? j SCHOOL DAZE

A»t*l s\i kh!s \vi!l «wn l»e Uae' tv rnK\ Atui up t\w> rx>aAfe sgat» !*N\vtxt thetr h\Mvn»s aiwl Mu*M. in tlw ititdi!Je of Ujc rond Hwp'U s?fl\vsy v<rHg lliel* fwl ~ To wp nnun* fvUite ot Hun v«u t»«« Ue hhvst \U«cmt t«B«ndar>; On«< upon « Ume th«r« w«i « poist»c*i 4*d not c*<i ©o thc «d<lcr of <N toc*i p«|»tr *nd o««r him ā C49*r, \ WvtOU »i.U ii.K* UieilM * AUv lAUv \