Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 31, 27 November 1940 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

This eolumn is open for contributions. If you have a good gag, send it in and we uill publish it 4 and give your name the credit.—Koko-Nuts.

IF I WERE ABLE If with tlie laek of anythi'ng better to say or thiukiug it was an intelligent way to start a eonversation, asked u\e wlmt I woukl like to be if I liad my elioh'e of any eareer, I would screech: "Let nie be a eolunniist, ju»t for au hour." Wl*y? So I could speak my niind antl wi-iie a of tliiug;> l lune always \vunted to write. I wouUl be able to use exclaniation dots and dashes when aud whore I pleased. I would be able to ask <iuestions, and it wouldu't surprise me a bit if iny eolumn started off hy asbing why a maHini never ehould he shaken. I have yet to receive a convincing auswer. I would l>e able to I ani sick of reading war new.s, and ahout tlie next bloomlng debutante . . . I wonhl try tO substitute a word for suood . . , That I wish there were more funnies Hke Ten-y and Tlie rirates, aud tliat Li(tk' Oephan Annie would gro\v up. . . . Tlmt men would make fun of something else besides women's hats . . . That all jitterbugs woukl take a sleeyiug potrder. How niee it wovild be if you con!d ssneeze without a?king if you are catching eoUl . . . And if some poopīe wouUl learn not to rattle eellophane during a movie . . . If for a cl)ange a few beauty parlors wouUl l\ave the latest mag-azsnes in.stead of tlie late.st gosslp . . . If llltler would mSn<l his own busiiu>>* . . . If people on a subway realiije how simple thev look staring at you with their mouth opeu. . , . And if tliere were more handsoiue men like Anthonv Eden. I would add that I am slck of gazing at a tass driver's plctnre... Of womeu trying to lose wetght by talking alxmt it instead of putting their spreading liips to work . , . And wntfhifig nien daintily trjiivg to capture au olive out of ti martini when they think no one is lookieg. It would he worthwhile to write atKvut people who ndinit they get seAsick . . . Wlio ean digest Pr«ncli fries and hot dogs at two A.M. . . . Who tove t:o answer lettefS . . . Wbo treat an!nials like their be>t friends. . . . And who ean take a joke as well as give one. I wouīd go on to say, I think T<omt»ard and Hephuni are tops . . . That I wou!dn't be suiprised lf hand lēaderj< never slept . . . If in s*ears to wme polieeuien bellowe<l something clso !ieside: "Where do you think yoa're goin'?" . . . If !n tlme every «>?te pronounoed &aoardi the &«ne w.»y, . . . How very amusing newsrt>el intervlews witli wiuniTs are . . . If a news|vaiH'r pivlure ever flattered anybody, There wovjtd a!so be some tkiuss that wouUl puielo nio . . . Why lettoee 's so hard io ut aud eat when oot to ditmer . . . How long we have to pui up wUli the word "ooiuph" . . . īf ihe weatheruiOM wiH evor stop ronunding us eueli year of the hurrii-aiio . . . tf Tol>uceo Road wi!l ever -<top ruanlng.., īf a fried egg is happ,v without t»a ct»n. . . , Whai Christuias would he llke wKhom a tic, . . . Would ilie worid tho siisi»e if \?verioue ltttß(led thoīr i'wii husiut»iss. Thes* 4 aiv the tlitng» your ci>luiu WOuU? iiliil writl3 Of W«rse 1 he aMe io *ri?e a ivt 1 do!ī't kth'v> who wouid read lt~X wouM had say. av.* «n jhat is Vhat #Nify wonUin. w,"aiis,. - Barhara iu Ju^Ue. BULL-ETIH

*otw* 5 «Ur-t#d nofcodj <*n

stop me"—Premier Mussol|ni iu„. his Monday address. DESERT POME NO. 99. Out on the desert Many miles from town, Witli a husted gear ghlft _ Sits pooi- Clareuce Browa. Flrst Hawaii draftees w<rt get thelr eall in December .Now they ean escape buying Chri6tma» presents. ADViC£ TO INDI.GEN.T LQVERS Two minds may have a single tiiought, Two hearts may beat as one— All thi.s is eheap enough; but still, When aii is said and done» Two stomachs, niy dears, I'm sorry to say, Will not co-operjite that way. —Thomas Kiton McDonald In Juājge President Rooseve't hae named Dec. 17 as Aviat?on Day. The sky wi!l be the limtt. - General Weygand is reported as about to join np with the Free French forees under Gen. de Ganlle. The report sounds Vlchy. GONE ARE THE MODERN | CLASSIGS

! Little Streaml»nes, the offlce 1 pet, who does a good deal of reading durinfl fier spare time, says she's dtsa«*ted slnce a certain women's or%antect\īor> deared the news stands of a,īl the hot maaazir»es. She says $he can*t find a thifig fit to read nowada>s, I wish my frieucls who ehuin ItV eleae That war won*t louoh this lienil*ljliere Woulil enlSst in Ihe arniy a miUion stron£, |Just in case tlielr juilgiuont sliunUl ] be wrong. : Aud in case tlielr Judgiuent was vighl, the nat!on W««ul«3 gladly pay their trtiu.sportjition. •— Anonynious SOURPUSS SAM SAYS:

"RunninQ after wonv min never hurt no man. 11*« ketchin' them that

j do«s the damna«. M Ask any cf the I fellas *£iq succe«4«d in th« ket j ehin* bu«ine#*. M | Winula Waffieirou , £ l>iolhtr, who Oie guurd, \vroic Ijoujo and toīd Uer he was gotiiti4 vn ii'l rLffht l>ut that there >vas 100 tuu«!i virilllufi aiul fussiii£ arounvi lu>t«c<'U lueaU. Archaeo!ofii6ts hav« recentij J | found som« prehi#toric »K«!etot\s ' with their backc broken. Whieh indicate« th«t ther« wene ta.v£A} ers in tho«< tco. YOU SAIO IT, MAJOR }S,s>r 04 M thc Vv-.. V XU> tlls 011 e, Tb« Auunioiii? tuiv; Uik<>* i Wiitskj. j : T;n; !>ri{Uli lAki'S U- ium. ! Ti o luUhu navj uko w ivu. | What Franc« n*ed«d v.a.s &Ut j t?e tes* ste«! lu h«r Maginot Un« f and * UUle mone Inan in h«r $en- , | I j >ir, £vi\o t>«vk to. ; Ru«*l* «aOi h«wt «»\»\ Uwu»; as. ■io wim his <sMivmatu*y wUh Uit | „ ; ats»«t 4 h«t īi;\ve au; »• s iIOW Th*r» ;• abs«:ute'> "o trvtn u* t'Ae rumin that 4kv m f k« a e j a€v<x»Vng V*3Tng th« 'eH-a 1 \\e« ' , ther nvAn (<»r « £>tamfce>. (