Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 35, 25 December 1940 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

— j r This eolumn is open for contributions. If you have o jgood gag, send it in and tve u-ill publish it, and give your name the credit. —Koko-Nuts.

Resardiny tliat old «iyiiif: about if you wanr to get to the top you liave to begin at ihe bottoui. Well, liow about the fellow who drills an oil well? j Defīnitton of a small town: A j plaee wt»ere your neigbbor flets ! up in time to »ee you coming j home in the earty hours of the j morning, if you've been out the j niflht before. Another definition j is a piaee where your friends afltj tell you where you were the niflht before. A girl we love ls our old Auutle; This tiine of year She loots Uke "Sauty." BULL-ETIN

M l'm n<st g<Jfng eat any of that eheap Ohnalmaa." PAST OCTOBBR WAHMEST ON RECORD llEKE—»wspaper lieadline. Any fat man biunvs thafs true, Wanda WafTleSron still has that dumh complex. She thinks Vichy is the nam» of some new kind of soda w&ter. VESSEL ATTACKED OFF IRiSH COAST — Xewspaper headline. Are the Irislinien throwing bricks again? Foolish question No. 812218: Wonder lf the kids wii! mind if we do«n have a ChristmM tree for them this year? ASK ANY MARRIED MAN Of eo«rse we men all \vant our wives To lead the more abundant lives, But what's the ldea of thelr foollag Aronnd witli all thi nk ehoolIng? It seews their favorite avocatioii Is going to a den;onstratlou Of hovr to uiake a ham souffle, A Qiarqulj4 mousse or bom.be glaee. Lobster Cm}ue!s with escalloped potatoes, Crepe suiette with sauted touiatoes. And when. having learned all these esculent tricks, They hurrj* back hoiue (at a nuarter to slx) Cn<ler the sjpel! of excitins cuisines, just what do we get for our <iinuer! Baked b©ans! — And there's the youna Pilipino sentteman %#io went to a Hiio «ervice station for air for hi* and asked for some "at- j mo«pherc." THRIFT ON A GRANO SCAL£ tSjH>iiai> - • To fuithet the of itab, >«itioiial Fasvsst. Federulioo of Tradw in TexUH> }ti\Kiuct» Biarled a. io j>ut ail boys ia iiwl>. uj> to ihe of Hl iutv( awrt Jrou#es>. SIGN ON A SOLF CO(JRS£ IN 6Nai.ANO P'eaK piek up »harpnel fr*g- j m*nt« wher« encounter*d on the faifwayc, as it geu in thc &i«4e« , W mowers. We ar« ofeUgcd fer thi» consideratton on y®ur part. O»WM C«mmittee. ft£CKLESS SP>£NOiNa, SANOY

only ueeded two cents, and when hei discovered it it was too late to get! it back. | HYMN 0F HATE I A girl we hate la Waitre#« Lamb; i We order beef — i She brings u« ham. , Aud there's tlie burber wlu» j always cut 'em both short — hair I uud conversation. I SOURPUSS SAM SAYS:

Sa«d:y MrPhi*r*oii «mp: \\w oiHoe tho: ath,'t . IHy f«H'{ing pnNO ! Wtu\ He m«ile n torr!hU' i l»Sst<sk# b> t>uUiivg a \

st«si>p .1« « Wtlw ttk*t |

«r«ir www wnm wnigi« "The feiler who play« i Santa Ciaus in front of the Kress store i» lucky

in more ways than one—he c*n go without shaving for several days and stiU look attracttye ,to the women." MODERN VERStON Mary had a Httle heau, ! His name was Willie Perry; l?ut MaryV oid raan kicked liim out— He made a goat of Mary. 1940 Christmas simiie; As happy aa the Sa>vat<on Army man when you throw a doilar biii in the kettle. Aceording to Johji Hix, & Mlssouri wonmn has haked 74,000 apiile pies in 24 years. Tlm's & U>t of apple-sauce. WASTED ADVICJE _ i

R£VISED V£RSION Thirty dai\s haeli Septeiul>er l ApriU Juue and Novetnber, Aud that*» what some of these Feilows atvuud h«re wiii «et • —-if they dou't watch their jjpeedometer. Legendary; Onee upon a time thene was a eoiumniei who never ran out of id*as. Another nee<3ed invention is a toy (Tiristmas train tliat fathers _ ™n't p!ay with. t ®THRRE AINT NO SANTA CLAUS."